Feel For You

I saw my first V of geese today. They stopped me in my tracks while I was running this morning in my neighborhood in Southern Shores, North Carolina. As I looked up tears welled in my eyes... I’m not sure if it was because they looked so beautiful flying in formation in the clear blue fall sky or if it was my longing for the promise of warmth further south. I remember last year around this time my husband Dan and I were headed to Hatteras to transport visiting Israeli musicians performing in the schools down there and as we were crossing the Oregon Inlet Bridge, a long and controversial span that connects us to the southern most part of our county, we witnessed thousands of birds making their way south. The sky was almost blackened by them. Today was different though, because it was only a single formation and because I cried. I stood there looking until they were out of sight then I picked up the pace of my run and tried to let the sounds of Chaka Kahn motivate me. Running for me can be as meditative as yoga sometimes. I run listening to music, but my mind has no problem wandering as I go. I often come back from a run with insights about my work, life and creativity. Today, as Chaka’s song “I Feel for You” was streaming into my ears, my mind began to turn the words around- I feel for you- and I thought about how much more I “feel” these days. There is so much sadness and beauty in the world. I know it has always existed, but I don’t think I was really awake to it all until my heart was broken. When you’re heart is broken and you are looking at the possibility of losing everything you believe in, everything becomes so much more important -so dear. I can feel the pain of a friend who just lost her mother. I feel the sadness and extreme gratitude of a friend whose child’s life hangs in balance. I feel the pain of people suffering far from here and I cry tears of joy looking at the face of my husband across the table from me. Music brings me to tears, and so will geese flying south. Sometimes I just cry and wonder if I’m shedding tears for someone who may not be able to-someone who has not had a broken heart or suffered a loss in their life- someone who has yet to plunge the depths of their emotions out of unknowing or perhaps fear. I cry sometimes and wonder, in this crazy world full of so much madness, beauty and pain, how can I not?