Trust Part II

Toady I spent a good hour playing in a tide pool with a seven year old boy. He spoke very little English, and I very little Spanish, but somehow we managed to communicate. I learned about his family, the fish he and his brother were catching, pelican eggs, words for cooking and night, the name of his dog and much more. We skipped rocks and laughed, I shared my dried bananas with him and we counted the fish his older brother reeled in. I felt giddy like a girl and the tide pool was so fresh and clear and deep enough to swim underwater with my eyes open and float on the top.

Life is unfolding here, taking shape. I am feeling a sense of trust that this good intention, my good intentions, to work here, to become a part of the community will create work for me and a safe home to live in while I'm here.

There was a time in my life where my perceptions about trust were completely attached to my  primary relationship . I was so involved in my life as a wife, mother, professional, daughter, sister, etc. that it never occurred to me to stop and think about what I was doing, where I was going and who I really was. I way too busy doing it.

When my life as I knew it turned on a dime and left me with no solid ground to stand on, nothing to trust, I felt like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, far away from home and desperately trying to find a way back.

Not trusting anyone around me including myself, I set out on a journey to put back the pieces of my life that remained and build from the smoldering ashes (I'm not kidding, ask me about it sometime) something brand new.

This brand new might look scary to some because it's ambiguous and mysterious, it flows and moves and can not be predicted or tied down. I really don't know what tomorrow is going to bring me. I can think I control various parts and people in my life, but in reality, I control nothing. There was a time when that would have been paralyzing to me, but looking back I see I was paralyzed.

I want to float in a tide pool and feel the south wind move my body through the water and trust in myself to know I have what I need, especially the ability to create whatever kind of life I want.

My Tide Pool At Sunset