Things Are Moving

Today I woke up feeling a little blue. I was upset because I had gotten an email from Dan that was a little short. I had wanted to touch base with him yesterday on a few things and we just couldn’t connect. I wrote him that I was “bummed” about it and his reply was that “he couldn’t stay at his computer all day”. It was just one little sentence, but somehow it really rubbed me the wrong way. Not only that, but my email also included a list of things I wanted him to bring and some other news, but his response did not acknowledge any of that and then no good night email or good morning email. So this morning after sleeping late and having slightly disturbing dream I woke up and had my tea, read my book for a little bit, then headed for the Zen Café. I’ve been going to the Zen Café everyday to check my email. It is a small spot with only three tables and a futon, lounge section with low tables and bean bag chairs. They serve great coffee and smoothies and the best pita sandwiches I’ve had in a long time; homemade hummus, pesto, fresh mozzarella, leafy baby greens, tahini and sprouts. Everything is made there even the nut butters and almond milk and it’s all organic. It reminds me of a modern Darwin’s, our beloved vegetarian spot in Manteo years ago, complete with all the same locals coming in every day. I greeted Gabby, one of my yoga instructors who works there and took my usual spot at the table by the door and ordered a coffee. I checked my email and noticed nothing from Dan and immediately started getting emotional. “What is this? Am I lonely? What’s the big deal?” I ended up reading some old email correspondence between the two of us. I thought it would be interesting to see an email from exactly one year ago and pulled it up and I found this from Dan.” We have had our ups and lately downs but the hard times for me I think are times of nothingness. The times that life is just going and not much happens. I guess that feeling got to me….” He was saying to me that in that space of nothing happening, boredom, he was the most vulnerable. I feel like I’m actually in a “time of nothingness” right now and it seems to be a bit of a challenge for me. Isn’t this where the good stuff is supposed to come from? I asked for space and now that I have it I’m going to get upset about not getting an email? About “nothing” happening? Am I just so over stimulated that I need constant action? Granted, there are other things at play here-hormones- and yes, I think I am a little lonely. A message popped up on my screen that Dan was calling on Skype. I answered and Dan asked me how I was and I started crying, “I’m having a bad day”. We talked for almost an hour, with my sister-in law, Diane getting on the phone and my son Joshua as well and by the time the call was ending I felt worlds better. I left Zen and walked across the street to Mandolina, a dress shop opened by my friend Nina, who is from Miami and now here permanently. She exudes the beautiful spirit of Pura Vida, totally high on her life here, her business, learning how to surf, and her friends. A good friend of hers from Miami, an up and coming clothing designer, Karelle was here in town to help with the grand opening of Mandolina and to create “Quickie Couture” custom made garments created for your body right on the spot in about twenty minutes. I planned to go to the attunement class with Lenore at three- I thought I could use a “tune-up”, but I had time to participate in a little retail therapy. I needed it. Having Karelle drape and pin fabric on me with me telling her, higher (hemline), lower (cleavage and back) was something I’ve never done before. She calls it a collaborative design and no two are ever alike. She stitched it together and I tried it on. Lower, here, higher there, it took three tries before It came out perfect. The tiny store was full of women trying things on, picking out fabric, snapping photos and admiring one another, the men outside the sliding glass door sneaking glances while drinking rum and gingers. Lenore, the mediation teacher walked in the door. I guess I was late for class. She told me no one had come today so she came here to see what was going on. I told here how the session I had with her really affected me and told her about the tears, rain and flooding. I said I really wanted to come today because I was feeling quite emotional. She looked at me and said, “That’s good that you are emotional. It means that things are moving.”